That day wasn’t different from any other day; I
was out with my friends for lunch. We look
around at people; we look around at things every
day. You usually come across many people in
your daily life, but what if you come across some
stranger. STRANGER, not stranger by mind but
stranger by heart.
I saw that similar face yet a stranger in a
crowded place, and I don’t know what to do.
Some things which are said is always right , the
more you run away from things the more it
haunts you back. I did not know how to react,
what to say, how to say. Memories that still run
on my mind, started to flow again. Old days,
good days, promises, love, happiness everything.
I was running away from thinking all these but I
think there was no escape. No escape from our
own feeling. I looked at that eyes it reminds me
of many things which I never wanted to think
about. It was a year and half after our breakup
and I saw him again.
Life isn’t that easy: people asked me many
times how you deal with that bad breakup you
were in relationship for year or so. I had no
answer for their question because even I did not
know that I have dealt out with that breakup or
not. That person was everything for me, I loved
him like hell. But what went wrong is still not
known to me. In the midst of all these thought I
was thinking what to do when he will look at me.
Whether to smile, whether to say hello, or what.
It was weird that once I had known that person
and now am not even sure whether to say hello
or not. While looking at his face, everything,
every information regarding that person had
actually filled my whole brain. The love I had
shared with him may be it isn’t possible to me to
be with anyone now. Wherever I see happy faces
I see him and me. The time we walked together,
hand in hand. The time he use to kiss me on my
cheeks. The time we use to love each other.
Was that so easy for him to forget all these, or I
am the one who is in between all these thoughts
and he don’t even think about it. He asked me to
be his friend after breakup but I had no courage
to face him. To see him as my friend, all the
feelings will come back rolling again and again.
How it was that easy for him? Was there no love
remain at his part?
Happiness meant nothing without him. That
doesn’t mean I did not try to forget him. I tried I
escape from everyplace where there was more
frequency of seeing him again. But I think I was
running away, just running away. I actually never
had fallen out of love. It was still there. That
feeling, that care, that love everything. How can I
forget someone who meant everything for me?
How to fall out of love, when the only person you
want to be loved by is he? Breakup, it’s never
been easy. But after these many times looking
back at him can make me think these much, is
the thing abrading me a lot at this time. I need
to find the courage to forget him, but I can’t let
myself forget him even if I want to.
My eyes were still on his eyes, just to see
whether he had noticed me or not. But he was
too busy with his friends. That he did not even
looks back at me. But not looking back at me
wasn’t the problem. The problem was what to do
when he look back at me. How to express myself
I did not want all my feelings to come out when
he looks at me.
I did not want to cry... Was there any other way
to tell myself that it is over? That touch of his
hand, that hugging me tightly after a fight, the
smell of his body was still somewhere in the air.
I was about to give up on him, I was about to
give the thought that he is even going to look at
me back, I was about to see in another direction.
And then I saw him looking at me. Looking at me
with so many questions in his eyes, why I ran
away from him? Why we can’t be friends? Why
did not you understand? Why you blocked me
from every damn place? I can see guilt in his
face of letting me go, but I can see that he is
happy in his life. I can’t force him to come back
with me? I can’t force him to love me back like I
do? Love is not selfish right? I always wanted to
see him happy then why to make him feel guilty
of chasing his own happiness. May be he had
find his happiness in something else like I found
in him. May be he loves something else like I
loved him? I can’t hold him for forever. I had to
let him go. And I did it but what I did not was
moving on from that feeling. No one really move
out of that feeling, it is there somewhere in
between ourselves. It comes out when you come
across that person again like I was coming
across. I just have to learn how to tell myself
that I did a right thing by letting him go. By not
stopping him and by not forcing myself on him.
May be I will find someone else in future, but I
can’t let him live in that guilt.
So I just looked back at him, like I did not seen
him there before.
Waited for a perfect eye contact
And I smiled.